Here’s the thing, we all do the best we can with the tools we have, right? Well then. The best I’m doing right now is playing out my “What-if’s”. And to me that means: Take the fear-based scenarios my mind plays out, acknowledge them, and take it a step further to see what I would do if the thing I thought about really did happen.

Also keep in mind, I’m still learning to accept that 99% of the things we worry about never actually happen. That’s a lot of energy spent on pretty much nothing. But until I fully grasp that concept, walking through the “What-if’s” helps to make the sudden stories less attractive and real-reality more attractive so… Here we go!

For me “What-if” questions lead to mind movies which play out the fear and make it tough to stop the story or even realize that I’m stuck in my mind to begin with. It’s goes like this:

I’m doing something, and anything triggers me; a sound outside, a word I write, or my mind throws a random “What-if” my way.

It is at this point my mind takes over with something fear based and I shrink and succumb to the emotion that the imaginary story presents.

REALITY: I’m in bed trying to sleep and the wind catches the screen door.

What-if situation: The sudden fear feels like when I learned about the boogeyman. My mind tells me that something is definitely trying to get into the house!

WHAT IF someone’s trying to sneak in!

WHAT IF it’s a monster – no!— an FBI agent who knew you smoked pot in your college dorm room is coming to arrest you – NO! – a serial killer who murders women with blonde hair, green eyes, slightly aged skin and looks uncannily like you – you fit the description! Yes, that’s it, the murderer found out where I lived, hid on the porch behind my plants and is trying to stealthily sneak in but made a mistake and I heard it!

WHAT IF I fall asleep?

Mind Movie: While I sleep the murderer quietly breaks in and slinks toward the bedroom, hunched over as if he were the Grinch—The Grinch! Now the murderer looks more like the Grinch, and has a funny little dog, but the dog is the creepy kind of funny. The dog must have gotten into a scrap because his back left paw is dragging slightly, and the overgrown toenails make a soft scraping noise against the wood floor. The murderer, who now has grown tufts of green fur on his face, hovers over my bed with both hands grasping a deer knife held high over his head. As I shift to find a more comfortable spot, the moonlight looming in through the window flashes against the sharp edge of the blade. The murderer takes a deep breath in and —

Oh hey! Welcome back to reality. There are many things about what just happened that I’d like to address. Let’s list it, shall we?

• Thing 1: While my mind was taking the driver’s seat and playing this story, I was not in reality. Anyone could have looked at me and seen that my mind was elsewhere. And also, if my mind is so concerned with me not getting hurt, I would still be in the present, because while I’m off in ‘la-la-scary-land’, I am vulnerable to anyone or anything that is in the present reality.
• Thing 2: While my mind was playing the story, I was feeling the feeling I would feel as if I were actually in the story. Fun fact, I’m not in the story. In real life I’m lying in bed trying to sleep, shopping for groceries, or hunched over my notes trying to figure out what the heck I want to do in my career.
• Thing 3: While I’m not present and essentially torturing myself, I’m using precious energy to create this mind movie, even more energy feeling the feelings not associated with actual reality, and what’s worse, leaving myself less energy to complete the goal at hand, which is to not be up all night and get sleep, focus, and get in and out of the store with my lungs intact, or figure out what the heck I want to do in my career.

It’s a vicious cycle. And if I chastise myself for doing this, I then feed into it. So, I do this thing called playing out the “What if’s”.

Essentially what this means is, I catch myself in a story, say at the part where the murderer was ready to plunge the knife, and I go, “Great question! What would I do if there was a murderer in the house?” Then I logically think through some options.

1. First, if it bothers me that the screen door slammed, I could make sure it’s closed. And if someone jumped out and stabbed me to death, I’d be dead. Well then. That sucks.
2. I could try and fight back and either lose or win.
3. I could call the cops on my cell phone.

At the end of the day, it’s really a 50/50 chance that I could win or lose the situation, and at that point, I’m sure my ‘fight or flight’ response would kick in and that poses so many more options, too many to think of.

My mind: This is getting boring, let’s see what there is to do in reality—oh look! My notebook with the goals I’m trying to achieve in my career! Or—Oh look! It’s now 2AM and I’m still not asleep or—Oh look! I’ve been at the store for over and hour and only have 3 items in my cart…

You see how that worked out? I can do that for ANY “What-if” my mind brings me.

          WHAT IF I ask for the promotion and get told ‘no’?

Great question, mind! What would we do if that happened? Game plan!

Option 1: Have a conversation as to why not

Option 2: Get angry and throw a fit

Option 3: Find another position

Doing stuff like this give me a bigger sense of control and brings logic back into something that would otherwise be purely based on emotion.