[A story told in the voice of my Uncle Steve]

So anyways, we used to live up in “Goodnight’s” trailer park area, there was a cottage and we were paying $100 a month for rent for a cottage – it was a little small cottage and that. And an ex-state trooper lived across the street. Well, his daughter Ilene went out with my buddy, Richard. And we’d get stoned and everything else and we’d have kids from Trinity High coming and buy weed from us and that.

All of a sudden Richard turns around and goes, “Fucking couch sucks- I’m sick of this couch!” So, he cut the legs off so now the couch sits flat on the floor. So, when you sit there your knees are up into your throat almost!

These chicks come in—this, this little dog kept on hanging around the neighborhood, so we gave the dog the name Ralphie. He was a small little dog. Well, Ralphie would go down to the brick house at the end of the street It was a restaurant that’s still there- the Brickhouse. And the people would say, “Oh he’s a beautiful little dog.”

Well, Ralphie would go because he knew it was food time at lunch time and everybody would be feeding him. He’d come back with a little food on his face and walk into his little room (plump)- fall- he’s asleep for the night.

He gets up and hears a knock on the door. We’re all hung over. “Can Ralph come out and play??” It was the kids down the street. Ralph bolts out the door- he’s gone all day! He’d come back tired and everything else.

Well, these chicks on the weekend came to buy weed from us. All of a sudden there sitting there on the low couch. Everybody’s getting hammered. All of a sudden Richard goes with Ilene into his bedroom. He comes back out and Ralphie’s there running around everybody- everyone’s passing the bowl and that- (growling/playing noise). And this dog’s flipping this thing around in his mouth. And this one girl’s going, “Aww, come here Ralphie!” And Ralphie’s there licking her face.

All of a sudden I looks and I sees there’s a string that’s attached to something in his mouth and I go, “RALPH! What are you doing! Come here!” And the girl goes, “What is that?” and Ilene comes out from the bedroom and she goes, “Did the dog come out here with something?” All of a sudden the girl sees it’s a used tampon in Ralphie’s mouth and goes, (puke sounds) and she starts throwing up and she couldn’t get up from the couch because it’s so low to the ground. All of a sudden Ralph is over there cleaning up! And he’s licking what’s she’s throwing up. And she’s really throwing up! A whole line of chicks are grossed out and they’re all throwing up.

Us guys go, “Well I guess it’s time to go down to the Salty Dog…”